Contemplation
by Lotho's Cute Villainess Minion
Summary: Frodo/Sam slash... Sam contemplates love and life in general as Frodo sleeps... but more of the first.
1. The greatest thing in all MiddleEarth

AN: What must I really say here? My first angsty-slash fic. Frodo/Sam. Sam's POV. Um. I think that's it.  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own Frodo, Sam, the Ring (although I want it for Christmas) or anything else Lord of the Rings related. And the song lyrics are from part of Misty's Song.  
  
I glance over at the motionless, sleeping figure of my love, and contemplate. Contemplation is something I seem to do a lot lately. Nearly always about Him. He occupies my mind twenty-four hours a day. Every second passing, my mind is filled with thoughts of him and him alone. Frodo, why must you be so perfect? Fairer than the fairest of all elves, and not too crazy, but not too serious. You're the only one, the only thing I think of. Do you care?  
  
Of course you do not. You have the fate of Middle-Earth on your shoulders - or rather, around your neck. You are not able to care for something as petty as myself; it is selfish of me to think it possible. Sometimes it frustrates me that you do not, you cannot feel for me the way I feel for you. But then I remind myself of how much you suffer, and hate myself for ever letting you upset me.  
  
It's not right. They cannot do this to you. They cannot place such a heavy burden upon you against your will, The only consolance I can offer you is that no matter how bad it gets, I will always be there for you. Wherever they make you go, whatever they make you do, I will go with you. I promise you, I will never let you down, Frodo. If necessary, I will carry you into the very fires of Mount Doom, and back again. I do not care what you do, or do not feel for me. My feelings for you are enough to make me do anything.  
  
I remember a song Bilbo once taught me. I heard him singing it, one day when I was only a young hobbit, and begged him to teach me. "Young one," he chuckled, "one must not learn songs only because they sound pretty. This song has a story to match, about an elf."  
  
"Oh, Bilbo, tell me the story! I do love hearing about the elves!" I begged him. And then, I did love hearing about them. Such fascinating beings, so wise, and yet so fair.  
  
Bilbo told me the story, a very sweet story of an elf-maiden named Airebrethil. Airebrethil was one of the fairest of the fair, with long blonde hair, deep blue eyes, and perfect elven features. But even she was nothing compared to you, Frodo. Airebrethil was very much in love with a man, names Dias. But she could never tell him, for fear he did not feel the same way. But every night she came to him, and sat by his side and sang sweet songs to him. Oh, Frodo, it is the same with I. I could never tell you this to your face, so I must be content with conversing with your sleeping serenity.  
  
"Now will you teach me her song, Bilbo?" I begged him once more.  
  
"No, you must hear the rest of the story first." Then, he told me of how Airebrethil's beautiful singing haunted Dias' dreams. It was driving him crazy, he had to know who sang to him at night. So one night, he stayed awake, but feigned sleep. Airebrethi came to him that night, and he fell in love with her immediately.  
  
"That's a very sweet story." I told him, momentarily forgetting the song.  
  
"I know." He replied in his mysterious way. "Airebrethil rather reminds me of a young Hobbit I know." I asked him who he meant and if I knew them, but he refused to tell me any more. I recall him saying only one last thing before he taught me the song. He said, "Frodo would rather like the tale of Airebrethil and Dias." Could he have possibly known? Bilbo is very wise, but.. Not that wise. Not even I knew then. But then, back then I was a young and innocent Hobbit who cared for little but gardening and the tales of the elves.  
  
"I practice all the things that I could say, Line by line, every word, I tell myself today could be the day, But every time, I lose my nerve. I want to tell you what I'm feeling, but I Don't know how to start, I want to tell you, but now I'm afraid That you might break my heart Oh why should anything so easy, ever be so hard to do, I want to tell you what I'm feeling, and to Say that, I love you.."  
  
Sweet words, straight from the fair lips of Airebrethil. They enchanted Dias, but do they have the same effect on you? Of course they couldn't. Airebrethil was a fair elf maiden, with an enchanting voice. I am but a poor Hobbit, a gardener of all things. I cannot compare to the one who originally sang these words. My vague recollection of what Bilbo once taught me when I was young is no basis for a comparison. The only that can be compared is that the love Airebrethil felt for Dias is the same love I feel for you, Frodo.  
  
Oh Frodo, I've been speaking for so long I had all but forgotten you were still asleep. But if you were awake and heard me say this I would not know what to say. I have not the courage to say these things so you can hear me. All I can do is, when you are asleep and cannot possibly know the torments of my mind and heart, lean over and whisper the three sweetest words ever invented - I love you. I suppose I always have, and I know I always will.  
  
Sometimes, in my deepest contemplation, I wish I could hear your voice saying, "I love you too, Sam." But then I realise that it would never happen except in the sweetest of my sweet dreams. What's the point in wishing for the impossible? They say there will never be a perfect world, and I know they are right. In a perfect world, you would love me as I love you. But that is something that will not happen.  
  
Sam leans over Frodo's sleeping lump, two of his fingers touching his lips, then touching, ever so lightly, the other Hobbit's cheek. "I love you, Frodo."  
  
AN: I actually wrote this for my friend Sez. I've never actually written angsty slash before, but I was bored and she loves Frodo/Sam stuff. Go figure.  
  
Note about the song, I could not think of anything better. Can any of you wonderful people?  
  
Love yas! 


	2. And yet it is a thing we cannot share

AN: Well, the first chapter worked so well I decided to write a sequel, of sorts. Frodo's POV of the same night. Sound like fun?  
  
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own any of this. Except the actual writing part. TI just don't own any of the characters, because I'm unoriginal.  
  
  
  
Sometimes, I just wonder why. Not anything in particular, just. why? Do I have any purpose in life, except the destruction of the Ring? There's just no point, is there? If I ever destroy the Ring - and that's a pretty big If - what is there more for me to do? And not only that, but the suspicion - no, the knowledge, that I will not survive this Quest, but knowing that the fate of Middle-Earth is in my hands is too much of a weight upon me. That, and the Ring itself. I can often feel its weight upon me, as though my spine will snap under the pressure of it.  
  
And he is not helping at all. I love Sam so dearly, perhaps too dearly, but he does not understand. I normally manage to avoid his monologues. But not tonight. Tonight I heard every word of his confession, every word, straight from his big heart. Sam, I do truly wish your dreams were possible - I dream the same thing so often.  
  
But dearest Sam, my Sam, don't you see? The true love you speak of, Airebrethil and Dias' love lasts an eternity. An eternity is a long time, Sam, until the very end of all existence. I am doomed to die on this quest, and no matter how much we desire being able to feel such a love for each other, we cannot possibly be together for an eternity. If I let you love me, and I let myself love you, and I left this world, it would destroy you. I could never do that to you, I would never wish complete emotional destruction on anyone.  
  
That is why you can't love me, why I forbid you to love me! Sam, do as your master tells you to! Even if I sound cruel in saying this, I am only doing it with the best intentions. You must not let yourself have these feelings for me. I'm not worth ruining yourself over!  
  
Oh, it's pointless. I could never bring myself to tell you these things to your face. I'm glad you sleep, because I cannot bear to keep these things to myself. The thing that's hardest to do is to decide whether I want you to give up your love for me, which will possibly destroy you, not to mention upset you because I shouted, or to let nature take its course, which will definitely destroy you. Sam, I'm sorry I shouted at you as you slept, and I promise I will never shout at you again. I couldn't bear to upset you that way.  
  
You can't hear a word of what I'm saying, so there is really no point in me continuing. But there is one last thing that I must get off my chest before I stop. Sam, no matter how much I insisted that we cannot love each other, I want you to know that I do. I do love you, with all my heart.  
  
We mustn't love each other any longer, but know for the moment, my sleeping Sam, that these things do not only happen in our dreams. Sometimes they are real, and you just don't know it.  
  
*  
  
Frodo kneels beside Sam, and looks at him for a moment. He brushes a brown curl out of Sam's face, and then jerks his hand away as though afraid of waking the other Hobbit.  
  
He leans over the sleeping figure. "I do love you, Sam." He whispers, brushing his lips against Sam's ever so lightly and briefly.  
  
Sam stirs in his sleep. The younger Hobbit's eyes flutter open, and Frodo jumps back in surprise. "Mister Frodo," Sam whispers, "I thought."  
  
"You thought wrong." Frodo replies, a little more harshly than is necessary.  
  
"I had no idea you were awake, Frodo.." Sam whispers, a little hurt by Frodo's callousness. "I had no idea that my dreams were achievable."  
  
Frodo looks up at Sam, a little kinder than before, but still with severity. "They aren't, Sam. Sure, we can love each other now. But what happens when I'm dead? I'll be gone, you'll be destroyed. I suppose the love will automatically make us live happily ever after." Tears come to Sam's eyes as Frodo says these harsh words. Frodo notices this, and places a comforting hand on Sam's shoulder. "Oh Sam, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it like that. All I meant was. well, I don't want that to happen to you."  
  
Sam looks at Frodo for a moment, holding the older Hobbit captive in his gaze. "Frodo, why do you have to think about this sort of thing? You might die, yes. But if you die, I will not let myself be emotionally destroyed. I will finish your Quest, and then I will return to your side and never leave you again."  
  
Tears begin to appear in Frodo's eyes as he collapses into the arms of his love. "Oh, Sam. I love you. I love you, and never, ever, ever let me say otherwise. Only you would do something like that for me."  
  
Sam gently ruffles Frodo's hair, and whispers a few last words in his ear before the two of them fall asleep in each other's arms. "Love is the greatest thing in all of Middle-Earth, Frodo, and perhaps it is a thing we can share after all." 


End file.
